All posts tagged "satire"

  • BEST OF
    CARL COX TO ERASE DJ MAG 100 WINS FROM BIO WHEN MARTIN GARRIX COPS TITLE?

    The quality of the list has been diluted by mainstream copycats and iPad promo teams Finally, this year MARTIN GARRIX is expected to win the DJ MAG TOP 100. But rumors have it CARL COX is not having it. CARL COX, the multi-year winner of the list in its early stages supposedly is...

  • BEST OF
    A&R: SECRET TO SKRILLEX’ SUCCESS IS HIS BROKEN WASHING MACHINE (SHARE)

    “Sonny grabbed Bieber and threw him in his washing machine. After one short cold wash cycle, he captured enough screams of agony to make something work” SKRILLEX is one such artists that enjoyed immense success in must a short amount of time. As a brostep pioneer, many believe that his production success...

  • BEST OF
    WINDOWS MEDIA PLAYER – NOT IBIZA – PRIME CAUSE OF KET AND MUSHROOM USE (SHARE)

    When a lad from Nottingham posted a video of him taking shrooms while watching the Felix video, a widespread underground Windows Media Player drug culture originated. For years it was assumed the cause for Britain’s greatest drug epidemic of the last 25 years stemmed from out-of-control lads returning from the Spanish party island of Ibiza. There...

  • EVENT NEWS
    CLUBBER HAS DEEP PHILOSOPHICAL CHAT WITH LYFT SPAM BOT IN FB EVENT PAGE

    “House is a feeling that no one can understand really unless you’re deep into the vibe of house.” A CLUBBER recently got into an in-depth philosophical chat when a Lyft Spam Bot posted a Lyft promo offer in a random Facebook event page. It all started when MIKE GIANNOPOULOS came back from...

  • BEST OF
    BURNING MAN ‘TOO SURVIVALIST’ FOR BEAR GRYLLS – CANCELS APPEARANCE

    “After learning there is no luxury designer handbag store anywhere close, he cancelled the appearance.”   BEAR GRYLLS, the world’s favorite survivalist cancelled a Burning Man appearance after concerns about the situation being ‘too survivalist’ for him. Grylls, who is used to staying in penthouse suites in nothing but 5 star hotels...

  • BEST OF
    DEADMAU5 USES FAMOUS HELMET TO KEEP EGO IN PLACE AT PERFORMANCES

    “WHEN DEADMAU5 PLAYED SHOWS, HIS EGO GOT SO INFLATED HE NEEDED TO HAVE A LONG TERM SOLUTION FOR IT” DEADMAU5, arguably among the more talented people in EDM, rose to fame partly because of his notable Mouse helmet. However, rather than a gimmick, it’s reported to be a doctor’s prescription. Whenever Deadmau5 has...

  • BEST OF
    ATHEISTS WITH MEGAPHONES SHOW AT EDM FESTIVAL; TRY AND CONVERT BELIEVERS

    “If god is a DJ, why are there so many shitty ones?” Yesterday at one of New York’s biggest EDM festivals, an unexpected MOB OF ATHEISTS with megaphones showed up. After working the campgrounds in t-shirts that said “Sinners are Winners” and shouting “Why didn’t Noah swat those mosquitos?!” they proceeded to the hardhouse...

  • FUN STUFF
    ROOKIE BOUNCER REFUSES KLOCK AT BERGHAIN FOR LOOKING TOO CASUAL

    With Klock in front of him in a blue shirt, wearing training pants and seeing how he completely skipped the line, laughing in the midst of a fairly big group of woozy lads, Matthias had no mercy for Klock and refused him at the door for looking way too casual. BEN KLOCK,...

  • FUN STUFF
    MARTIN GARRIX INVESTS IN UNIQUE SET OF PYRO-TECHNICS TURNTABLES

    Whenever Martin is about to ignite the dancefloor with another floorburner, the turntables will throw 40 ft. high flames up in the air” In a bid to stay ahead of the competition and silence the nay-sayers, MARTIN GARRIX has invested in a unique pair of Pyro-Technics Turntables. Martin, proud to have invested...

  • FUN STUFF
    MEXICO TO FUND WALL TO PREVENT PISS POOR EDM FROM ENTERING THE COUNTRY

    Juan del Carmen: “It will get a lot harder to visit our families stateside, but all for the greater good of preventing whack DJs and piss poor produced EDM from entering our country..” A Gofundme campaign started by the mayor of a small, rural Mexican town is going viral. The campaign has...

  • BEST OF
    ROLAND TO RE-RELEASE LEGENDARY TB 303 WITHOUT RESONANCE KNOB

    JOKICHI TAMATEI: “WE DECIDED TO RE-RELEASE THE TB 303 WITHOUT RESONANCE KNOB SO IT COULD SOUND LIKE A BASS GUITAR AGAIN.” In light of the ongoing success of TB 303 clones and Roland’s own TB-3 digital update, Roland finally has decided on a fully analog re-release of the original TB-303, only with...

  • FUN STUFF
    EHARMONY SLOGAN “ARE YOU ON E?” PROVES MASSIVELY SUCCESSFUL

    DATING SITE POPULAR BY SENIORS SUDDENLY FLOODED BY MILLENNIALS.   EHarmony, the dating site marketed to seniors and other old people announced that its CEO and co-founder Dr. Neil Clark Warren stepped down this week. The new CEO Grant Langston got to work quickly and with remarkable success. In an effort to cater to...

  • BEST OF
    DIMITRI VEGAS AND LIKE MIKE SELL THEIR HOMES TO BUY MORE IPADS

    Now operating from the local homeless shelter, they’re leading their promo teams to secure another number one. As the DJ MAG TOP 100 POLL reaches a climax in competition, DIMITRI VEGAS AND LIKE MIKE scramble to make sure they keep the top position this year. Last year they were incredibly successful with...

  • FUN STUFF
    POLL: SANDERS 10 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO WIN DJ MAG TOP 100 THAN CLINTON

    More often than not, crowds of 40,000+ cheer him on as he rages against the establishment. BERNIE SANDERS may have lost the democratic nomination to Clinton, in recent polls Bernie is leading Clinton with a 10 times greater chance of winning the DJ Mag Poll. Despite many people believing the DJ Mag...